Something · Happened · Along · The · Way

I'm angry at myself over a lot of things.
I can't figure out why I get my hopes up over things that I should have known would never happen in the first place.
And I'm also angry because I realize I don't have all of the answers.
One of my first graders' houses burned down last night.
How do you explain to a first grader that everything is going to be OK when they've just lost everything?
Its fucking impossible.
Everything is fucking impossible.
I don't have the answers.
No one does.
And I realize that its shallow to have my own selfish worries when this child and her family are now homeless, but I don't know what to say.
I'm just pissed and I'm finally not afraid to say it.
Screw it...screw life in general.
My day was ruined already, so tonight dealing with work and everything else was just the icing on the shit cake.

Fuck everything.
I think I need a weekend to myself.
This is usually the time of year I decide to go hike the NR Trail.
I should probably do it this year...it would make me feel better.
Maybe I will.

yooo like I'm mad angry at McAllister's management.
The stupid manager at the deli scheduled me for the fourth sunday in a row.
I've asked off for Sundays. I told them that. I like being able to spend time with my family and go to church on Sunday. Thats what I believe in. No, I'm not trying to get all Republican Conservative on his ass, but I want that time to myself. I'm moving like 1000 miles away in like three months, and I sort of want to remember the time I had with family and friends, not asking some inciduosly overweight person if he wants to make his sub a 12-inch or substitute potato salad for his chips.

Maybe I'm overreacting but its ridic.

tired, goodnight.

never mind
i found the lemon juice

i'm really angry
we have like 10 cartons of egg beaters in our refridgerator
but no lemon juice

I cut my hair today.
Well, I didn't cut it.
But I had it cut.

And the girl at Toucan Tan, her name is Holly, not Haley.
She'll get pretty angry if you call her Haley.

I'm really pissed at the state of North Carolina
I went to get a replacement license today
and they were like, "You can't do that because your name isn't in the system as 'Hoyle' yet"
and i was like, what the fuck
i just called here
and you told me i could
gas is ONLY like 3 dollars a gallon
and we have a moron president who hasn't found any alternative to oil consumption
so i really don't want to waste gas driving up here again on monday

Apparently she was mad because i called her a moron
and i think she was a republican
becuase she was like "whatever, you can just leave"

i hate the DMV
i bought a new bonsai tree for my room too
i like bonsai trees
and i found some really cool vintage tees at Sal-Army
one was even a PElvic THrust tee.
weeerd.

I changed my last name today.

And I'm really excited.
My friends are coming down in like a month from NY for graduation.
The college stuff is working out
My car is running a LITTLE better
but not much
the axle is bent
and the front is still scratched up from the wreck

prom in 1 week
DC in like a month and a half

I think I'm going to paint my bathroom tomorrow

And I'm really proud of Christine for getting into NYIT.
Kudos.

ok bye

i was driving home on the interstate tonight
and i heard that jack johnson song
"upside down"
and it made me smile
because for some reason
it made me think of my dog mindy
because she is happy-go-lucky
and so is that song

so maybe this is weird
but i got a house today
sort of

my grandma told me that i could live in the mooresville house whenever i feel like it rent free
she told me that i need to try a year away at college
which i of course am going to do
and that i could live in the house whenever im ready

i think she wants me to stay at home
im not going to next year
but after that
i might consider it

who can turn down a house?
everyone knows that i like being independent rather than being cramped up
im not trying to boast
but this means a lot to me
because that house is really important to her
and that i could have my own really big home
that was totally mine

i dunno
i mean, im still going to adelphi next year (obviously)
no thoughts on that
but i suppose its nice to know that if I would get REALLY homesick (which i probably will)
ill have a place to live if i want to come home

So I'm back from Long Island.
And I had a good time.
I'm kindof glad to be home though.

So while I was in NY, I didn't:

-Talk to Adelphi's financial aid people
-See Mary
-Buy Clothes like I wanted to
-Eat Frantoni's, Gino's or Jericho Diner
-Go to Roosevelt Field
-Go to the Beach

Thats it. No more goals. No more iteneraries.
My goal is not to have a goal.
That way when I don't achieve it, I've achieved something.
Call it "Moving away from the mainstream."
I call it being in control.
Hmmmmmm

We're back from Chubby's in Albany
Apparently I'm the only one who wants to sleep.
I'm a weirdo.
And I'm finally undrunk/sober.
So I'm gonna sleep.
Night.